#tantrums

 Is there a challenging developmental transition that some kids go through around 3-4? 

s there a challenging developmental transition that some kids go through around 3-4?  My son, who is 4, has been a relatively easy child, but it seems that tantrums have picked up over the last few months.  I think by this age many kids are starting to move on from toddler tantrums, but it feels harder for us now. Interested in your thoughts and any pointers on how to navigate this period. 

My 5yo has zero impulse control and can be aggressive. How can I help them?

I would love to get your input regarding some behavior of my almost 5 year old boy. He can be very physically aggressive when playing and is showing no impulse control at all. The tantrums can be a lot. I need guidence.

My 3.5yo's anger is big and she's hitting. How do I handle this?

My 3.5 yo daughter is a very determined, assertive leader. Very different from my son. Slowly I’m learning to channel that big girl energy. However, I get really annoyed (maybe even triggered) with her anger. She feels it in her whole body, makes faces, her body gets stiff, etc. Lately she has been hitting us with whatever object or her hand…hard.

How do I help my school aged son manage his big feelings?

My son has always been a highly sensitive kid that is highly aware of everything and everyone around him but I have noticed that as he is getting older he keeps looking for more validation from the outside and I really want to help him change this because it is a struggle for him whenever he does not get this.

My almost 4yo had an epic tantrum. What could I have done better?

Today my almost 4-year-old had an epic tantrum at a store and although I was able to be calm and did not care about the looks I got from everyone around me, I was exhausted after his tantrum.
At the end he fell asleep at home exhausted from his tantrum and I am thinking ..
What could I have done better?
Should I have bought the toy?

My 4yo loses control when he doesn't get his way. Is this normal? How do I manage this?

My 4yo son gets set off when he doesn’t have control, or rather, when he has something in his head (ie I want to play the game this way, or I want to be first in line), and then it doesn’t work out that way. He reacts before he thinks, and that sometimes results in a tantrum, throwing something, or hitting.
How can we help him slow down, process what’s going on, then react? How can we get him to express his thoughts in words, more calmly?

My 4yo daughter's tantrums are overwhelming me. Help!

My daughter's tantrums have become more frequent and intense (she just turned 4), and seem to be triggered by the most insignificant things: someone moved a box, or something is not in the right order, or the ponytail is bothering her. She will drop to the floor, scream, kick, and say “mama a la basura”, “don’t like you anymore”, “I want you to die”…. This can be at home or middle of the street or in any public space.
I am honestly struggling with her.

My child isn't handling boredom well. What is the healthy thing to do?

My daughter cannot handle boredom. Not only can she not handle it, she gets mean about it and lacks the creativity to entertain herself.
I thought the problem was our minimalist toy collection so I got her a doll house, a baby doll with accessories and a whole wardrobe for said doll. It wasn't it.
She has access to art supplies, a camera, a bike, our tiny garden... not to mention we go to the park every single day.

What should I do?

My daughter always feels cheated. What language should we be using to help her through this?

Hoping to get your perspective on fairness and equality as it seems to be a big theme with my daughter. Everything these days is about feeling upset because so and so has something that is different from hers. For example, her sister’s cup of water is more full than hers, her sister gets to ride a scooter and she has a bike, Mommy's costume came earlier than hers, it goes on and on and on sometimes with big tantrums. We have been validating her feelings around it but we want to understand why she always feels cheated somehow that what she has is not as good as someone else. Also what language should we be using to help her through this?

My children are having tantrums when having to do something they don't want to do.

I need tips on how to deal with “don’t want to go to school today” or “don't want to go to sports, I'm tired' tantrums.
All they want to do (both of them) is stay on the couch, play Roblox or Minecraft.
How to convince them without threatening or forcing them to go?

How do I handle a big, loud and physical tantrum in a healthy way?

Yesterday was my daughter’s first day back at school for the full day 9-4. It was a long day and the first scheduled day like that all summer. She is going through a phase where she only wears dresses. During school she got her dress very dirty. She went to get new clothes from her cubby and when she got there she noticed I packed her a bunch of beautiful t-shirts and pants (because they are clothes I figure we won’t use so they could be at school) she was SO disappointed and cried for a while at school.
When I arrived to pick her up, she was clearly upset with me. Once we got down to the parking garage she let it all out! She said she needed a dress and immediately took off her t-shirt and pushed me, hit me, pulled my hair, and pretended to spit on me. She shared she didn’t like me any more and wanted a new mommy.

I am having a hard time handling my 3.5yo's tantrums. How can I manage?

I've heard you talk about tantrums and toddlers numerous times and it still amazes me how much I need to be reminded of this. So after the summer, it seems like my son’s tantrums (3.5yrs) have become more intense & he's become more demanding. He also doesn't really do what we ask him to do (which is usually very reasonable for a 3.5yr old). He doesn't cooperate. How can I start turning this around?

How do I help my daughter when she is stuck in an idea or thought?

My daughter has it stuck in her head that she absolutely doesn't like boys. Of course when I ask her why she says, “because they don't have long beautiful hair like girls”. So I say, "wow that's interesting, I choose if I connect with someone based on how kind they are not what they look like" but it falls on deaf ears. Last week we went to a friend's house and they have an 8 year old son. She spent the first 20 minutes there screaming "I hate boys, I never want to play with boys, this is so stupid." It was really embarrassing. Once she finally calmed down she played with him and had a blast. Then this week we met a friend at the pool who has a 4 year old son and she did the exact same thing but this time refused to have anything to do with him and kept yelling at me that I was talking to the Mom and not playing with her (I was doing both). How do I handle this?

My child unbuckles himself from the car seat while I am driving! Help!

My child is exhausted after camp. My big problem is in the car. I pick him up and ask him how his day went while we walk to the car and as soon as I start driving he loses it. I don’t mind the tantrum in itself. I will breath roll down the windows like you said but he now unbuckles himself from the car seat. He only knows how to unbuckle the top and get his arms free but that to me is just a huge No-No being I was a trauma ER nurse. It’s just so dangerous and I have seen horrible things. I find myself reacting to him out of fear.
I know it’s the fear talking and trying to scare him out of doing it which works but the tantrum of course gets worse then I feel so guilty.

How do I go about it in the moment when I see him trying to get loose?

My toddler is inconsolable if I am not home after school. How can we help her?

Apparently my soon to be 3yo daughter is very attached to me. When she comes home from preschool or from the park with the nanny, she is looking for me and if I am not home or at work, she gets very upset and cries. My husband and the nanny say that my daughter and I were too close when she was a newborn, that it was just me and her for 24hrs and now this is the price we pay, and she is “suffering” all the consequences of how I was with her.
Do you have insight into what could have caused this recent habit of her crying for me more often than before and not letting other caregivers calm her down?

My daughter's anger is intense. How do I help her through big feelings?

When my daughter gets mad she goes from 0 to 60 and gets so big saying, “I hate this person”, “they are so stupid”, “I never want to see them again”, “go home” and will say it loud and repeatedly. What else can I do in the moment to help her not say things that make the whole thing worse or do I just embrace the tantrum in totality?