Question
I would love to get your input regarding some behavior of my almost 5 year old boy. I feel as if I must be doing something wrong since I am not getting the results I am expecting with my son. He is still having difficulties with impulse control. If someone hits him he has to hit back no matter how much I tell him just to breath and let it go. If they apologized, an apology is not enough, he has to go and kick the kid or push him back because he pushed him before.
The other day we were on a family trip and had a late family dinner in a restaurant and I was hesitant to take him to a nice restaurant so late at night but it was the whole family so I ended up going. His food took forever and he was very tired and hungry but he was behaving excellently. The problem began when his food arrived and my sister took half of his plate so that he could share with his cousin.
The tantrum was bad, I did not know what to do. I wanted to remove him from the restaurant but that would have made the whole thing even more disruptive. I felt embarrassed and my family was being so judgmental about how he gets away with everything.
I feel that I can be doing better because I am not seeing any results with my approach to raising my child but I do not know what to do. I would appreciated your honest input. Thank you.
Answer
A lot of the examples you gave are around lack of impulse control and they are mixed with end of the day moments.
1 - Always trust your gut and handle the adults around you first, not your 5 year old. In the example of the late dinner and sharing his food- next time tell your family,"we are eating very late and he is hungry. If we are going to share the dish let's tell the restaurant staff to split it in the kitchen" or you could have said "it is very late and he is hungry, please everyone let me handle him and lets all leave him be"
2 - When he gets overly upset because someone hurt him at the park, home etc., take him away from the scenario, like leave the park, and tell him you are separating him from the situation for him to have a moment to calm his body because his thinking brain is not available to him for decisions. You will repeat this often.
3 - Lastly it is time to rule out if he has a delay with impulse and emotional control. It is important to see if he is managing anxiety or ADHD. When you get support this early in a child's life the better outcomes for them in the teen years.