Question
I have noticed that my son, the last couple of days, is exhausted. I know it’s because of camp. He is not napping at camp even though they put them to nap. He just lays down but won’t sleep. The difference with camp is that they are outside going all day from 8:45-4pm. At school he is in a classroom which is of course slower pace and it’s from 9-2:45pm.
He has been acting up but I know it’s from being tired.
My big problem is in the car. I pick him up and ask him how his day went while we walk to the car and as soon as I start driving he loses it. I don’t mind the tantrum in itself. I will breath roll down the windows like you said but he now unbuckles himself from the car seat. He only knows how to unbuckle the top and get his arms free but that to me is just a huge No-No being I was a trauma ER nurse. It’s just so dangerous and I have seen horrible things. I find myself reacting out of fear and telling him don’t you dare unbuckle yourself because if you do I will (please don’t judge) hit you. I know it’s the fear talking and trying to scare him out of doing it which works but the tantrum of course gets worse then I feel so guilty.
How do I go about it in the moment when I see him trying to get loose?
I know he does it to get my attention because he is looking straight at me and starts to move slowly. It just sends me spiraling. I resolved the kicking the seat. I just moved the seat up so much he can’t reach it but it terrifies me when he tries to get loose. Oh! And he will throw his shoe and socks at me. I just took a couple deep breaths and didn’t even say anything when he did that. I knew it was from that big emotion he was having. Help me please!!
Answer
You're not crazy, this is SCARY. Car safety and being latched in the seat is incredibly important.
The answer to this is a mixture of prevention and intervention.
The prevention part is:
During the walk from camp to car, instead of asking him about his day, touch him more, carry him with hugs and kisses, do a physical connection instead of a verbal one.
When you buckle him in, tell him you don't want your brain to make a mistake and unbuckle when I'm driving so lets get the unbuckling done now---let him try to buckle and unbuckle a couple of times before you buckle him in for good.
Bring something in the car he can press or tug at, like a squishy ball or plush toy.
Tell him when his brain tells him to unbuckle to push hard on that and have him try it.
Then turn on the car, put soft spa music on, turn up the AC and drive - in silence.
The intervention part is when he unbuckles - you breathe and look to see if there is a spot to stop the car. Stop the car, don't say anything, get out of your seat and buckle him again. As flat and as cold as possible. The bigger you get the more fun so stay flat, calm and stern. No matter what, stop the car, keep a stern strong look on your face and very matter of fact buckle him again and drive off. Repeat until this choice passes.
At night have your partner or you tell him the story of how he made an unsafe choice in the car and what are ways to stay safe instead. Remind him tomorrow is another day.