Question
My 2yo is having massive tantrums at bedtime. On the nights it’s mamas turn to put him to bed he only wants me which is not fair to my oldest. Also, I am in the room just laying in his big brother's bed but not his. Along with that, for the past two weeks he has been taking over an hour to go to sleep. Nothing in the routine has changed. We have always switched up every other day, one mommy to each for bedtime.
Help! Any tips? It breaks my heart when he is pulling me and saying mommy with me and I am sure it hurts mamas feelings as well.
Answer
The culprit of the new behavior is the expansion of memory that has a huge burst between 19-30 months. He now can remember his favorite caregiver, his favorite food, his favorite etc...
He will push for what he holds in mind and be rigid about it BECAUSE he does not have the experience and the flexibility of thought that there are more than one way to do things even if his brain is showing it to him. When you let him cry while soothing him and not giving in to the demand you help him build:
emotional tolerance
flexibility of thought
delay of pleasure
ALL very important social emotional learning skills to be a citizen of the world. So the crying and tantrum is okay...
So what can you do?
Prevention tools:
1. Print out a calendar - use a color for you, use a color for Mama and show him before bedtime who will be with him.
2. Make a list of how each of you put him to sleep and make him conscious of what he likes from you at bedtime and Mama at bedtime. This gets reminded to him when you take him to the visual calendar.
Intervention tools:
1. Stay the course - let him cry. Mama can never hand him to you when it is her night. What she has to do is hold him, stay calm, and let him cry while she soothes him.
Do the above for 3 - 6 weeks and he will understand the pattern.