Parenting

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My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World

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My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World

His little arms wrap around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.  That day, I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened that day.  As he walked away to get into his bed I was grateful.  He was six years old and had learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions give him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?

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Sometimes I Want to Give up on Parenting

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Sometimes I Want to Give up on Parenting

The wind is blowing my hat towards my cheek, and I can hear my children laughing with their daddy.  It is an absolutely breathtaking day on Miami Beach, and I feel like crying. My mind is flooded with negative thoughts:  I'm a bad mom because I won't play with them in the water and my children's memories of fun times will always include mom on the sideline watching them looking serious.  It is always painful to sit in a happy place full of remorse and regret.  I know this is universal for most of us as parents.

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Dealing with Children's Fears and The News

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Dealing with Children's Fears and The News

I was recently a guest on Telemundo’s national morning show Un Nuevo Dia and was asked to help their TV audience process the previous day’s terrorist attacks in Brussels with their children.  Here is the script, since I feel that this is relevant information for all families.

Q1: When a terrorist attack occurs, the instinct of the majority of families is to keep the television on at home. If there are children in fear, what is the right thing to do?
Read more...

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Why the Angry Outburst is Necessary for Your Teen to Mature

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Why the Angry Outburst is Necessary for Your Teen to Mature

“Whatever mom!” “You don’t understand.” “Get out of my room!  If you are the parent of a 12-24 year old these are common furious proclamations from your teen.  How does a parent deal and learn how to handle this behavior? Most parents that end up in my office are at wit's end when it comes to the anger they experience from their children and the most common question is what to do.

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6 Reasons Why Children Should Be Seen and Heard at Restaurants

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6 Reasons Why Children Should Be Seen and Heard at Restaurants

I cringed as my husband told my daughter that he would no longer help her order the next time we went to a restaurant.  We have a hard and clean rule of not disagreeing in front of the children when one of us is setting a boundary, but in this situation I could not hold my tongue.  I had never thought about it, but we disagreed about whether or not our children should order their own food at a restaurant.   

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What Your Child Needs to Know to be Ready For Kindergarten

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What Your Child Needs to Know to be Ready For Kindergarten

Time and again teachers, parents, and school directors worry and complain about how they are all not on the same page as it pertains to readiness for school.  Most understand that socialization, colors, shapes, and letters are important for children to be exposed to.  That said, there are other aspects of a child's social emotional development that if they are not helped and taken care of by the time they go to their first day of kindergarten, will contribute to things not going smoothly in the school age years.  

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How Not to Raise Darth Vader (Video)

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How Not to Raise Darth Vader (Video)

Ever wonder if you are raising a villain?  Do you love Stars Wars and want to understand it from a child development point of view?  Get the answers to both of these questions in these videos:

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How Society Can Break Our Girls

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How Society Can Break Our Girls

I watched my daughter’s eyes swell up with tears and thought, “here it is, here is the day I have been dreading.” We spoke while I brushed her hair about an incident she had in her classroom.  The students in her class have begun to point out how intelligent she is.  They react to her with jokes spiced with sarcasm saying, “What’s the magic recipe for getting all the answers right?” This is not bullying.  These are just kids reacting, noticing, moving through the markers of development.  The ones speaking to her this way are defending themselves from embarrassment and fear of my daughter judging their mistakes or their perceived lack of knowledge compared to her.  My daughter has begun to balance with how to be her authentic self:  intelligent, curious, an avid reader and friend, with her need to remain in relationship with those around her.

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How Understanding ME, YOU and US Makes for Better Parenting

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How Understanding ME, YOU and US Makes for Better Parenting

This process made me analyze and process something that most of us psychotherapists take for granted.  The ability to self-reflect is one that will help all relationships.  It is particularly crucial in parenting, but unfortunately it is something very few parents tend to do.  


Self-reflection takes time to learn and practice.  In development, it should be a marker we reach in varying degrees through the age groups but should master at the end of adolescence.  As Dan Siegel discusses in both of his books, Brainstorm and Mindsight, we need to be able to understand, ME, YOU and US, to make the best decisions as it pertains to relationship.  In parenting this is how I see this breakdown