The wind is blowing my hat towards my cheek, and I can hear my children laughing with their daddy. It is an absolutely breathtaking day on Miami Beach, and I feel like crying. My mind is flooded with negative thoughts: I'm a bad mom because I won't play with them in the water and my children's memories of fun times will always include mom on the sideline watching them looking serious. It is always painful to sit in a happy place full of remorse and regret. I know this is universal for most of us as parents.
This process made me analyze and process something that most of us psychotherapists take for granted. The ability to self-reflect is one that will help all relationships. It is particularly crucial in parenting, but unfortunately it is something very few parents tend to do.
Self-reflection takes time to learn and practice. In development, it should be a marker we reach in varying degrees through the age groups but should master at the end of adolescence. As Dan Siegel discusses in both of his books, Brainstorm and Mindsight, we need to be able to understand, ME, YOU and US, to make the best decisions as it pertains to relationship. In parenting this is how I see this breakdown