Ever wonder if you are raising a villain? Do you love Stars Wars and want to understand it from a child development point of view? Get the answers to both of these questions in these videos:
How Not to Raise Darth Vader (Video)
How Understanding ME, YOU and US Makes for Better Parenting
This process made me analyze and process something that most of us psychotherapists take for granted. The ability to self-reflect is one that will help all relationships. It is particularly crucial in parenting, but unfortunately it is something very few parents tend to do.
Self-reflection takes time to learn and practice. In development, it should be a marker we reach in varying degrees through the age groups but should master at the end of adolescence. As Dan Siegel discusses in both of his books, Brainstorm and Mindsight, we need to be able to understand, ME, YOU and US, to make the best decisions as it pertains to relationship. In parenting this is how I see this breakdown
Tips to Help Parents Answer Sex-related questions from Early Childhood to Teens
To soothe your fear and discomfort with the topic of sex remember that we develop sexually from the moment we are born, and in this manner it should be approached like when you taught them to walk, eat, go to school, bathe. Here are healthy sexual development markers:
I'm the Mother. Not the Primary Caregiver of my Children
In my family I am the parent that spends the least amount of time with the children. Given that I am a parenting expert, the irony is laughable. However, this reality offers me insight into being the second caregiver and assuming a role incongruous to the value system of our society in which mom is the primary caregiver. It is a struggle, but I also feel grateful that my children have two parents that take on the role of caring for them first and foremost.
When Saying “Me Too” Can Help You Feel Like a Good Parent
I have had the luxury of spending countless hours with mothers in the work that I do. What I discover time and again is that once the women get to know one another, they choose to be compassionate, inspirational and empowering with one another. This experience contrasts with what I see in our society and a sad truth in motherhood and parenting; we judge one another. The judgment takes different forms like books, advice columns/blogs, discipline styles, and moments at the park/school. The media likes to call it “mommy wars.”
You're Wrong, The World is Safe
I have something radical to say and I wish you could hear me because if you were in front of me I would be screaming it: the world is safe. The world has always been safe. Yes, children die, famine exists, natural disasters kill thousands, and we murder one another through war, domestic violence, and hate. But the world is safe. For those of you who don’t believe the world is safe, why are you lying to your children? I know that a deep part of you knows that the world is safe, but your life experience has fooled you into believing that it is not. So how do we get back to the purity of the early years before your mother may or may not have responded to you in a way that brought the first doubt of your safety?
Adventures of a Parenting Expert at Disney (Part 2)
The waiting and lines at Disney cause all to have to go through this process time and again. However, at Disney, unlike the marshmallow test, after the wait you get much more than just two marshmallows. Everyone gets their imagination expanded and their hearts filled with joy. It was interesting for me to witness this constant restraint, sometimes in failure and sometimes in success, of the many children and adults at the parks. In the spirit of writing about the solution rather than the problem, here is how I think parents can handle this Disney test of patience and impulse control.
Adventures of a Parenting Expert at Disney (Part 1)
I waited until my children were six and nine to take a trip to Disney. The older one had been able to go to Magic Kingdom on a school trip, but the youngest had never been. If I'm perfectly honest, thinking of going to a Disney park was both terrifying and exciting. I found it terrifying because I imagined seeing all sorts of parenting practices that would upset my trip; exciting because for school age children the Disney parks are absolutely magical. Both of these reasons kept me away and pushed me toward the parks simultaneously.
Finding Motherhood at the LAX Underpass
There’s an underpass at LAX going north on Sepulveda Blvd, and it’s pretty amazing since sometimes a plane is taxiing right on top of you. I was born a mother traveling through that underpass sometime in 2005. My daughter had been born maybe 3 months before; the timing is now vague. However, I remember crying as I drove to yet another audition (yes I used to be an actor) worried that I had left my preemie alone with a baby sitter I barely knew.