At a stand off with my teenager. Now what?

Question

What to we do with 17-year-old's and boundaries? Mine is not the easiest to control/contain. I know a standoff with him is not the best way. But here we are in a stand off...so now what? He's slacking in grades.... slacking in communication; meaning he's OTW at 11, but shows up at 1 AM. (Yes, once they are teenagers you go back to not sleeping). The best part is that at the same time he gets himself on a mission trip, participates in retreats and ranks in debate. So now what? Take away phone, social stuff, football, car?

Answer

Way to bring up a hard, but important question. School unfortunately is now up to him. My husband the high school teacher is really great at speaking to the kids about how they have to want to succeed more than him. I don't know if he would put it that way, but that is how I translate it. He lets them understand that in the end it is their education and he will be there when they are ready to take it. He is highly successful. So with school it's that conversation of letting him know why you feel he is failing himself rather than you/dad and that you hope he will live up to his goals/expectations.
Communication that's a hard one, but if you have set boundaries and rules then no car or phone seems valid. It's a result of his behavior and choices. That being said when a rule is continually broken in ANY age group we have to wonder why is it not working and in the teens years it's an opportunity to check in with them and have a conversation with them on why said rule is not working for them. I often am amazed at their answer when I ask a teen that question in front of their parents. Try it.