Question
Report cards are in! So my super independent 4th grader, who never lets us peek at his school work, and or the most part he gets it all done. The truth is I don't really want to do, look,or check anyone's HW. I value his independence over perfect even neat HW. Occasionally though, I'll chime in about this project and Art, which always gets forgotten. He grunts and shushes me away.
Guess what he gets in Art...a C. He was a bit in shock but not really upset. I just pointed out. Art hw is important for your grade. If you want an A you should do your HW. In my younger years I would have cared and asked the art teacher to let him make up the work. Now....not a priority.
That's it. I guess there is no right or wrong but sometimes I do wonder if this is creating complacency with him. Is it "wrong" that I really am not concerned in the least bit about this?
Answer
Sounds valid. You have given your son the ability for independent learning and have also empowered him to ask for assistance. The low Art grade was a result of his not asking for assistance and a mistake in planning, which is part of the learning curve of independent learning/responsibility. When you pointed out the mistake and your expectation once more that he "handle his work" you are giving him a great lesson. Better a C in Art in Elementary school than a college freshman packing up and coming home because mom can't call his professor to give him another try. It is important for all of us who have school age children to remember that this is the time for them to practice and fail in taking care of their studies. So when they are in high school and college they can take ownership of their learning the way you imagine/hope. Responsibility is a muscle in the school age years and a skill in the late teens/young adult years.