Blog
To soothe your fear and discomfort with the topic of sex remember that we develop sexually from the moment we are born, and in this manner it should be approached like when you taught them to walk, eat, go to school, bathe. Here are healthy sexual development markers:
Little people are just like big people. In this moment, my child was acting like a grown-up starting a new job. He was experiencing a kindergarten version of adult concerns: “What are these people going to be like? Will I like my boss? Am I going to be able to do the work?” In those moments it is important to take a moment and hold them and tell them that it is normal to be scared. Take that opportunity to
In my family I am the parent that spends the least amount of time with the children. Given that I am a parenting expert, the irony is laughable. However, this reality offers me insight into being the second caregiver and assuming a role incongruous to the value system of our society in which mom is the primary caregiver. It is a struggle, but I also feel grateful that my children have two parents that take on the role of caring for them first and foremost.
Outside of my office door I hear a little voice talking to her daddy saying, “This one is joy, then disgust, yuk! And that one’s anger.r” I know this little one does not like to talk about her feelings, but today she is excited and certain, describing the characters from the new Disney Pixar movie Inside Out. I am overwhelmed with gratitude hearing her use emotional language and thrilled that director Pete Docter and Disney Pixar have taken on the task of bringing to life the amazing world of feelings and the workings of the mind. As a mental health professional, the debut of this movie has been on the top of my to do list since I saw the trailer. I am happy to say...
Director Pete Docter takes on the world of the mind and emotions and creates a visually beautiful film. The movie engages you from the very start. I watched in awe as everything I know about a tween’s social and emotional development was presented with entertaining banter and wit. In the first ten minutes the film introduces each feeling, defines them and what they do for Riley, the 11 year old star of the film, at this point Inside Out had my heart. At that moment I understood that a parent can use this film in any age group but in particular for a tween to speak and explain the world of choices, loss and emotions. Here are my suggestions on how to use the movie to begin a conversation with your tween about the world inside their minds:
I have had the luxury of spending countless hours with mothers in the work that I do. What I discover time and again is that once the women get to know one another, they choose to be compassionate, inspirational and empowering with one another. This experience contrasts with what I see in our society and a sad truth in motherhood and parenting; we judge one another. The judgment takes different forms like books, advice columns/blogs, discipline styles, and moments at the park/school. The media likes to call it “mommy wars.”
I have something radical to say and I wish you could hear me because if you were in front of me I would be screaming it: the world is safe. The world has always been safe. Yes, children die, famine exists, natural disasters kill thousands, and we murder one another through war, domestic violence, and hate. But the world is safe. For those of you who don’t believe the world is safe, why are you lying to your children? I know that a deep part of you knows that the world is safe, but your life experience has fooled you into believing that it is not. So how do we get back to the purity of the early years before your mother may or may not have responded to you in a way that brought the first doubt of your safety?
As a parenting and child development expert, I generally know how to handle these moments of rivalry, but as a parent I understand how excruciating and off putting they can feel. Here are some things to keep in mind the next time your siblings fight.
The most important point: if no one is bleeding,
The waiting and lines at Disney cause all to have to go through this process time and again. However, at Disney, unlike the marshmallow test, after the wait you get much more than just two marshmallows. Everyone gets their imagination expanded and their hearts filled with joy. It was interesting for me to witness this constant restraint, sometimes in failure and sometimes in success, of the many children and adults at the parks. In the spirit of writing about the solution rather than the problem, here is how I think parents can handle this Disney test of patience and impulse control.
I waited until my children were six and nine to take a trip to Disney. The older one had been able to go to Magic Kingdom on a school trip, but the youngest had never been. If I'm perfectly honest, thinking of going to a Disney park was both terrifying and exciting. I found it terrifying because I imagined seeing all sorts of parenting practices that would upset my trip; exciting because for school age children the Disney parks are absolutely magical. Both of these reasons kept me away and pushed me toward the parks simultaneously.
