Question
My 7yo son is a very good student and is also doing well socio-emotionally (I spoke with his teacher). He is extremely proud of how he is doing, but when it comes to homework I basically have to strongly prod him and be on top of it. His teacher mentioned that he likes to run through things to be done with it, making careless mistakes. Sometimes he will hide when he knows I will tell him it’s time to do his HW. I have told him when he comes home from school, he can have a snack and short 30 minute break and then we have to do homework. I know it’s not a big break, but with soccer, time is tight. I am also trying to build a habit that we do not procrastinate. I’ve told him it’s uncomfortable because he is delaying pressure but he is learning responsibility (something I learned to say from you .)
My concern is that I can’t be on top of it forever and I worry that in the fall his soccer club schedule looks a little more complicated, where he/we will need to manage time better.
Second, and kind of similar, he doesn’t like my “rules”. I think this may be related to the homework issue but also me clamping down on YouTube/ iPad use which unfortunately he started using before I was entirely aware of all the risks for kids and restricted access. I tried to explain to him that it’s my job to keep him safe and not everything is appropriate for a 7 year old. I also mentioned to him that without some rules, the world would be chaos. I gave him the example of a car running through a red light and an accident occurring. I think he didn’t like my reply… What do you think I should do? How should I talk to him about these things? I realize he doesn’t need to like my rules, but I would honestly prefer that he did the right thing without me having to enforce it. My worry too is that at some point he will do whatever he wants. Thoughts? Thanks
Answer
Building the social skill of the delay of pleasure takes time and it takes as long as kinder to first semester third grade so you’re right on target; keep doing what you’re doing.
As it pertains to the rules, one more time, it’s the skill of delay of pleasure that he is building and I love that he feels the safety to let you know “I don’t like rules” so there’s nothing special to say or there’s nothing extra to do right now. You just have to stay consistent with how you are responding. Giving it time along with the repeated experiences build the skill to follow rules. All he is doing is perfectly normal.
What you are currently doing with homework you will do until the first semester of third grade. At that time, he will still fight doing the responsibility of homework, but it will look more like rolling eyes and stomping and walking over to the desk.