Question
My 5yo son participates 3 times a week in after school activities such as sports and martial arts . The rest of the week and weekend he does not have anything because I want him to have free time and be with us. When I first enrolled him in soccer he hated it and never wanted to go but I took him anyway and encouraged him to play and now he likes it very much. With martial arts, at the beginning he loved it but now he does not because he said he gets hurt. Last class a kid hurt him unintentionally so now he refuses to go, but I did as I did with soccer. I took him anyway and tried to convince him to confront his fear and assure him that, that was not going to happen again but no matter what I said he did not do the class.
He refused to get dressed so we had to go back home. I was very upset with the situation and I am not sure if I should stop paying for the classes or keep bringing him until he decides to join the class. The strange thing is that when he participates in the class and the class is done he is happy and I can see he enjoys it so I am not sure why it is so difficult for me to convince him to join the class if at the end he has a great time.
What are your thoughts? I would hate it if someone was forcing me to do something I do not like so I do not want to do that to my kid but he has tons of friends there and like I said, at the end of class he is happy so it is confusing to me. The worse thing is that he saw how upset I was and asked me why I was upset. So I said I was upset because he did not do the class and I regretted having said that because I do not want him to do the class so that he makes me happy, I want him to do the class so he is happy, no just to please me.
Answer
The rule of thumb when a child wants to leave a sport or an after school activity is to tell them they can stop going only when they are happy after the game or the practice. This teaches them to make decisions calmly rather than in a whirlwind of emotion.
Tell him you know that part of the reason he doesn’t want to go back is because his body felt hurt after a practice. But before the two of you give up on martial arts he needs to go and have fun and then, if after he has fun and is happy he still wants to not go then he can stop.
Expect him to not want to get out of the car for at least 3 more practices.
Just sit in the car for the rest of the class with soft music and in silence.
Wait for him to choose to go in or not but sit in the parking lot and don't go home.
You can also walk into the class and just sit and watch. Quiet without pushing him to join.
The task is to let him sit in the dilemma of whether he joins or not.
And you stay quiet.