Question
My son returned to nature school this week finally. We got Covid after the holidays delaying his return. We all took turns being sick so there was no routine at home for quite a while. He has had a potty accident at school every day. He is terrified of someone hearing him or seeing him ask to go to the bathroom so instead he just pees himself and then tries to carry on. We have tried to problem solve this with him. He has extra clothes, a special hand signal from his teacher as a reminder but still he is paralyzed with fear.
He has also been very rigid, anxious and combative with his teacher and disruptive in the class. He refuses to participate in lessons. Today he was separated from the group after throwing an object at her.
What else can we do?
Answer
From today until he is a teen, always remember that every time his routine gets flipped around and changed he will have an adjustment period, which will include the behavior you describe. That adjustment can last three weeks or three months. Yes, sorry. So the number one rule for him when BIG changes happen is to build a consistent routine. You get consistent first and THEN he will fall into it and be more calm. Based on when you wrote, you still have about two more weeks to go before the meltdowns subside.
For the pee accidents the best thing to do is to have the teacher lovingly take him to the bathroom every two hours. Also, for the next four weeks, accept the accidents and name them for what they are:
"You were so happy to be safe at home with your family. Nature school IS work. But I believe in you, I know you can work on feeling safe there again too" The teacher ALSO has to share this story with him.
All who help him need to know that his "behavior" is more about him being in survival mode and protecting himself. So the number one intervention is to tell him he is safe, to bring him back to his body to calm and to give him time.
It may be that Nature School is not his school. He may need a school that has a special ED component to it -- in the end that may be the hardest part of this journey for your family and your son.
I would recommend a session with me once you get the report from Nova
Also I recommend that you follow @theotbutterfly on Instagram - she has great content.
And also visit this website...all the videos and information are amazing and by THE experts of our country: https://brightandquirky.com/