Question
My husband and I plan to go on a trip together for 10 days without the girls. The girls will be at our house with my father in-law and his partner who the girls adore. Also, our au pair will be here to take the girls to school, pick them up, and take them to activities. They will be very well taken care of. We want to prepare them and ourselves in the best possible way.
How do we do this before we leave?
When do we let them know it's happening?
What should we do while we are gone?
How do we join back after we arrive home in the best way?
Answer
My recommendation is to let them know about your trip 10-7 days before you leave.
They will probably be sad and ask you not to go and the only answer to that is to say, "yes, we will miss each other. Yes, we will be sad. I have found the best person to take care of the two of you. I know you will be safe".
Then repeat some version of that and allow for them to be scared or disappointed about it up until the day you leave.
While away, pick a specific time during their routine where you will do facetime with them. The key is for it to be every day at the same time of their routine. Not sure the time difference between your destination and home but choose a time in the routine and stick with it. If they call you or you call them without prediction and routine that will create more anxiety than help them. This is why you choose one time and stick with it.
Have them choose a small toy that you can take with you. This toy represents them. Once or twice a day send a picture of the toy with you somewhere during your travel. These pictures they will love and also let them know you hold them in mind while away.
Whoever is taking care of them has to be gentle with them when they say they miss you. They always need to respond with "yes, of course you miss your parents, you love them. Come here let me give you a hug until the sadness passes" and that is all. No need for bribes or asking them not to be sad...to miss someone you know is the appropriate human response for this situation.
When you return expect them to be extra clingy and irritable with the two of you. Your routine has to be very strict and predictable for the three weeks after you return.
Hope this helps....