Question
My 10.5 year old recently told me that sometimes she doesn’t feel pretty because she’s bigger than her friends. Most of her fifth grade girlfriends are skinny and long & lean in shape.
As a response to what she said, I said a few things:
- your body is a combo of genetics plus eating habits (at home we don’t talk about skinny/fat but we focus on in-shape/fit and making healthy choices).
- despite what’s in the media, there are different beauty standards and types. Daddy for example, likes short brunettes with big butts (hurray for me!) so objectively beautiful women like tall blonde skinny ballerinas are not his type. So, some people will find straight hair prettier, others will like curls, etc etc - one type isn’t pretty for all.
- some days we feel prettier than others and that’s okay too - even models and people who we think are so beautiful have days they don’t feel pretty - so it’s a normal feeling.
How was this response? What am I missing?
Answer
The only thing you’re missing is talking about friendship and groups and how many of us need to feel and think similar to our group and that seeing her physical sense as different is normal.
Then go into the idea that when we are part of a group we need to assess how much we feel included.
Also point out that when we are in a group but the difference we have with everyone is one we can’t change, like physical appearance, then we need to work on accepting our differences or finding a group where that is not an issue for feeling a part of.