Question
My 5.75yo daughter has started to develop some really big separation anxiety since returning from winter break. She has experienced a couple of transitions with a new nanny, and I went out of town last weekend. But now I am back and today was 25 minutes of crying at school for my goodbye. Each day seems worse and worse. I brought a picture of me and her from home. This weekend I got her a magical crystal for her to bring to school so I’m with her. I am not sure what is bringing up these feelings and what I can do to help. She cries, she hates school and all she wants to do is be with me. The teacher suggested maybe doing a reward system to help her with the big feelings.
This week the nanny will also start doing some drop offs as well.
What do we do?
Answer
No rewards. Whatever you do, no rewards mom.
A reward will tell her that being sad and missing you is dangerous and something we have to get over. Missing you at school when things get hard - academic work- and at drop off after spending 24/7 with you is normal
So what to do?
Let her know it’s normal to miss you and want to be with you BUT school is part of her day and she will go no matter what.
Keep your goodbye short and hand her over crying to the teacher or a safe adult at school. You can’t wait for her to be calm to leave her. She needs to experience the adult at the school being able to calm and love her or else the message is that she can only be calmed by you.
Do this for 3 weeks consistently and she will transition back to school.