Question
I couldn't get to my question in the call today but I felt that I really related with most of the other questions, especially about what you were explaining when the child feels in power.
In my case, now both girls play better together at ages 6 and 8 but my 8yo tends to always talk over and correct her sister constantly. She loves to read and likes to tell you about facts or go into trivia questions. The problem is that my 6yo who is still not at that stage (because she is still learning how to read) gets offended whenever her big sister corrects her. My 6yo is very sensitive and escalates her emotions whenever she is in conflict with her older sister or is frustrated about anything. This is where they are both clashing now as one likes to fact check everything and say "you are wrong" and the other one just falls to pieces. In other instances I've also seen my oldest being very judgmental with her younger sister and even sometimes imitating me (acting like a mom) with her and telling her what to do. How can I better handle this situation with both of them?
Answer
Most of the time, pause and listen to see how they are handling it. Leave them be, but notice the pattern, why? Because later in the day or at that night time routine you will come back to what you heard them say to each other and help them think how to handle it better next time.
Just like you described the situation above, you can talk to them in those quiet moments. You can bring to your 8yo’s attention that her sister is younger and doesn't have the trivia information she has.
Let her know she can teach her younger sister but try not to correct her. Let her know that others learn best when we speak with kind words and with patience. Tell her to imagine what she HOPES a teacher would do if they were kind and patient when they are teaching her new things.
With your 6yo, in those quiet moments, it is important to translate to her that when her older sister tells her "you are wrong" she is trying to teach her BUT she is still practicing teaching with kindness.
Again these messages are best told when they are calm, later.
In the moment, you can teach them to take a break, since their Big Feelings are keeping them from listening to each other. Ask them to separate to calm down so they can then start again. RESET.
It's one of those repeat and remind things...since it is a natural social emotional skill they are both building. The skill of communicating our beliefs in a kind and patient way in a relationship. It's hard for adults imagine your littles trying…