question
I wanted to ask about the many ways in which anxiety shows up in young children.
As we have discussed, my daughter definitely runs more anxious. To date this has shown up in many ways but most prominently with picking her cuticles, her eye tick/twitch and counting everything around behavior, to the number of hugs before drop off to how long to pull out the toilet paper.
Now we are dealing with running to the bathroom every 5-10 mins saying she has to go pee and nothing coming out. This happened about a year ago and it was resolved but this time she is actually having many accidents a day and soaking through her underwear. I am pretty sure it's not happening at school but have a note to her teachers to confirm. When I ask her about it she says "I was having too much fun playing” or “I was too cozy in bed to get up" which makes me think she is in control of it but sometimes it happens 4 times in an hour.
We did another urinalysis but it was totally clear.
Next step would be to take her to a pediatric urologist but my gut is saying that this is behavioral. We have an appointment with an OT but couldn't get in until Dec.
Would love to get your thoughts on this and what language to use with her about it.
Thank you!
answer
The potty accidents are part of the potty process. Her answer is exactly right, she feels the pee but tries to hold it to not end her pleasure. Sometimes the child is able to hold it. Sometimes their body fails them.
When she has the accident it is a short and sweet response: "love, remember when the body tells us to go, we go."
It repeats 4 times an hour because she is holding it.
You are describing the extremes. She is holding AND she is managing in an anxious way by going every 5-10 minutes. When she goes every 5-10 minutes she is managing not getting wet again by being careful.
When she is having accidents she is trying to hold it to keep on playing or doing what she loves.
Stay calm.
Tell her that the way you can help her is to put potty in the routine.
So for you, go back to taking her to the potty:
When she wakes up
Before all meals
Before leaving and getting in the car
At Bedtime
The rest of the time - stay OFF the subject and follow her lead.
If she gets into a repetitive loop of going every 5-10 minutes: when she is on the potty, have her close her eyes and breath and tell her to concentrate on her body and notice what it feels like when there is NO PEE. This will help her discern better...