Question
Why is it that my son doesn’t like for me to respond to anything positively?
For example, If I say something is “cute” he responds with “Don’t say that word!!!” OR if I celebrate something (without being loud), “don’t do that mama! I don’t like it when you do a happy dance!!!!” OR sometimes it’s the most random thing like “ok guys it’s time to take a bath!” He responds with “WHY do you say it like that???! I know we have to take a bath! But don’t say it like that!”
This has been happening for months but lately it seems to be happening more often. Did he turn 13 all of a sudden? It seems like I annoy him for everything and I am being totally sweet, comforting and reasonable {in most cases}.
Maybe…Possibly… It's because I’m interrupting his train of thought and that throws him off and he doesn’t like it. Could it be? Or does this also have something to do with hypersensitivity?
Answer
It’s probably a mixture of more than one thing.
Primarily the auditory sensitivity when we say "oh how cute" our pitch and tone gets higher. He may be reacting to how that presents in his body and nervous system.
Some children that are prone to being introverted or observant in nature feel embarrassed when given praise. It's a sense that ALL eyes are on them. So they tend to not want anyone to call attention to them.
What to do?
Don't change your tone, your compliments, your verbal commands. Stay as is.
But when he says "don't say it like that" - point out the two things that I brought up above.
For example you would say "my voice got high and loud when I said you were cute right? that may have startled your body and your ears. Remember that when someone is happy and excited they use a high and loud voice. When you hear that sound check and see if mommy or any other person is smiling. Then remind your brain that happy proud people sound loud, but you are safe"
For compliments you could say "oh buddy I forgot that you don't like for me to make a big deal about you and what you do, next time I'll whisper in your ear and hug you instead..."
For following the rules and the routine you could say "Yes, you're right my voice got loud and it sounds frustrated. That's true, it's because I'm hoping that the two of you listen to my direction the first time. Next time I will still tell you the rule but I will put my hand on your shoulder and say it in a regular voice"