Question
My daughter has the opportunity to advance one year in math and science next school year as a result of a placement test administered by the school. If a student advances in math, then they also need to advance in science. She told me she does not feel challenged in math but that she doesn’t feel the same with science. That means she will be taking those subjects with 8th graders next year (she will be in 7th grade). She was happy but not super excited. She was mostly scared. “Mom, I don’t know if I’m ready. How about if I can’t keep up and fail?”. I told her she doesn’t have to advance, but that if she decides to and fails then she would just take the class again in 8th grade. I need to check with the school how it all works and if a student can change their mind. Appreciate your guidance so we can help her make a decision that benefits her not only considering the academics but most importantly taking classes with older kids. Thank you!!
Answer
You are handling it very well. The bigger broader lesson is how to make a difficult decision.
1. We have to manage and reality check our fears. - you will be doing this by getting more information from the school. You also did this when you helped her name her fear “what if I fail…”
2. Creating pros and cons for the decision and seeing how each feels and how she will
tolerate each pro and con.
3. Accepting that when we make big decisions, we do not have ways to be certain of the outcome. Big decisions help us learn to manage uncertainty
Finally 7th and 8th grade age differences:
The range in age is youngest at 12 oldest at 14.
A 12yo and a 14yo are very different - if she is still 12 she will hear and experience social interactions beyond her cognitive and social development. But 13 and 14 year olds are similar.
If she does go to the 8th grade class you need to get into the habit of checking in with her about the 8th grade class and the social aspects of it:
1. Have you heard ideas or trends that are confusing or you know is for the 14 year olds
2. 14 year olds talk a lot about liking others more than a friend and romantic things - have you heard anything that’s confusing or new
3. Do you feel like you’re pretending to be older than you are
You will do this check in once a week and see how she responds. Always listening for how she is:
Processing
Accessing
Deciding
What to do.
If she has it right then don’t lecture just congratulate.
Hope this is helpful