Question
Our little strong willed daughter is really giving us a run for our money. Lately everything's an argument. No for everything. The mornings have been the most difficult. We did travel for two weeks so I know we are transitioning back to routine and structure and three days a week at daycare.
Here’s the issue.
She refuses to get dressed, going potty, brushing teeth, eating breakfast. I have tried choices, getting dressed the night before, a snack tray since she only wants yogurt. We have been using a timer. But it goes off and she continues to play and ignores what needs to be done. I have tried visual cues cards etc..
I just feel overwhelmed and discouraged and I know it is normal at this age, but I feel defeated.
My husband is battling the gentle parenting approach and thinks she needs firmer and negative consequences and I disagree. I don’t know what to do.
Answer
In her age group the "no" and the "tantrums" are part of growing memory and learning and needing autonomy. The task at hand is to be consistent with your responses.
I think this video I made a while back really does give good information on how to handle "discipline" with the littles. Give it a look with your partner. You can find the video below.
"Gentle Parenting" is a long term investment.
Consequences and Bribes is a short term solution.
When we consistently manage their nervous system and emotions and repeat our rules, values and intentions, they learn the WHY of following directions and do it intrinsically. This TAKES TIME - it is a lot of repeat and reminding
When we bribe or consequence our way through having children follow directions, they learn to lie or pretend to follow because they still have the original goal of pleasure seeking, but with consequences we give them a new task to figure out and that's how to get their intrinsic need for pleasure without getting caught.
Here's are the videos:
The Trick to Disciplining Young Children:
https://stopparentingalone.com/blog/the-trick-to-disciplining-young-children-video?rq=disciplining
Time out and why it doesn’t work:
https://stopparentingalone.com/blog/does-time-out-work-video