Question
My son is getting ready to enter PK 3 and I feel a little anxious about the whole school choosing situation Is it too soon for him to be in school?
Should I wait until he is at least four?
How can I be sure the school environment is supportive and kind?
These are some of the questions I pondered as I decide which is the right school.
I had met parents that proudly said to me that their child’s school is the best because their children learned to read in Pk 4 and kindergarten.
But is this actually a good thing?
Are they developmentally ready for that?
Or should they be playing more and learning how to socialize with others?
Is there any advice you can give me to choose a school
Thank you
Answer
Let me take your questions one at a time, because all your questions are actually a one hour workshop I do for parents. I share that since I want you to know that choosing the right school for your child is in the top 5 questions from ALL parents so you are not alone.
Okay so your first question is:
Is it too soon for your three year old to be at school?
There is no MAGIC age for a child to start school. It is important to look at your child's personality, curiosity and activity level.
If your child's personality is flexible and easy going - they usually can start school with not much of an issue at just about any age.
If your child's personality is slow to warm and observant then if you can wait for them to be closer to 3 or 4 when they can cognitively understand better WHY you are leaving them at school then its good to wait.
If they are difficult and feel things from 0-10 and are highly active - school can be wonderful for them BUT the teacher to student ratio is important AND the discipline and guidance style of the school IS SUPER SUPER important.
This type of personality needs a school that is well versed in Social Emotional Development and if you see a sticker chart or REWARDS and CONSEQUENCES approach - I don't recommend a school like that for this personality type
Constant curiosity and exploration is also a big factor in knowing if a little one is ready for school.
If your child is constantly pulling out the Tupperware in your kitchen or getting into everything in your house, then they are ready for school. It is important to put them in a setting where the space is dedicated to exploration and play. If you're constantly asking your little one to stop exploring then you are impeding their curiosity which is the foundation of learning. Those toddlers do really well in school.
Finally a highly active child is also ready for school. The same idea from the previous paragraph goes with an active child.
Preschool allows them to play, explore, and get their energy out.
BUT highly active little ones tend to have a hard time following the rules and routine of the classroom so it is important to make sure the student to teacher ratio is small and the school is well versed and educated in social emotional development.
Again, a good sign that they are NOT is when they tell you they have a reward and consequences discipline style - The students that respond well to sticker charts and consequences are the flexible - slow to warm types. The ones who are active and big feelers don't fare well in a school that expects them to listen without emotionally falling apart.
Do they need to know how to read and count before Kindergarten?
NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT
Parents tend to get stuck on that idea but reading is something that is developed and flourishes at the end of Kindergarten not before. Yes, some children learn to read earlier BUT none of us in early childhood development expect a child to know how to read and counting is pretty minimal to be ready for kindergarten. All children need is to recognize letters and numbers, NOT read or add/subtract.
What a child needs to learn before the are READY for kindergarten are these very important skills:
1. Move from being ego-centric and using magical thinking to logical and concrete thinking view of their environment/relationships.
2. Sense of self and able to handle autonomous tasks such as:
Making choices/plans
Solving problems
Taking care of personal needs
3. Regulate their emotions the majority of the time – by being able to have:
Frustration tolerance, impulse control and emotional intelligence.
If your child doesn't have those social emotional skills they will not be ready for Kindergarten.
So it is important to ask the school HOW they help them with these 3 social emotional skills. If they look at you like they don't know what you are saying then walk away and don't go to that preschool.
I hope this is helpful.
School is a wonderful new experience for children. It is nothing to fear, just a decision that needs to be made with clarity and purpose.