Help! My 18mo hates wearing clothes and my 4.5yo doesn't know her letters. Is this normal?

Question

I have two questions for you today. One for each kiddo!

My 18mo daughter hates wearing clothes. She especially hates wearing diapers. You would think I am torturing her to put her diaper on in the morning or in the afternoon once she’s left the house. She is naked a lot! She has little accidents a lot too… She expresses to us sometimes when she has to poop so we bring her to the potty and let her sit and then she gets off and ends up pooping on the floor somewhere else… she doesn’t express anything about peeing and I think she’s too young for potty training… Yesterday I started putting her in pull ups so she’s wearing “undies” like her sissy’s. What is going on with the clothing/ diaper refusal? How should I be responding and handling this situation?


My 4.5yo daughter doesn’t know her letters yet. If she were to pick up a letter she would have absolutely no idea what it is. I’m not really concerned but dad is, we both have learning disabilities in the family so he is worried something is up and she’s going to struggle - definitely future casting some worries this morning! They tried to do a letter game this morning and after him telling her the letters she still didn’t know… she also doesn’t know how to write her name. She goes to a Hebrew immersion school where they do not learn about the English alphabet, so she’s not really exposed. I remember you telling us in a call once not to be concerned about this but here I am… Should we be worried at this point? Dad wants to know if we should have her tested?

Answer

Yes 18 months is young to start the potty process, but she is motivated to be off diapers. I would split the difference. From now moving forward add taking her to the potty to the routine. Take her when she wakes up, after meals, before leaving the house and at bedtime. The rest of the time, no talking about potty.

The sensitivity to clothing and the diapers may be a tactile sensitivity. It is important to slowly expose her to different textures. Sounds like the pull up helped her "feel" more comfortable but pay attention to her responses to different textures.
You can read more about tactile sense here and it can give you ideas on managing it:
https://yourkidstable.com/tactile-sense/


Your 4.5yo is young. Most children in her age group begin to recognize the letters in their name only because of the repetition of seeing it and using it.
Does she recognize the Hebrew letters and sounds? Talk to her teachers about how they are helping her with Hebrew.
At home, read to her everyday. Early literacy is learned by being read to, moving towards recognizing the sound to the letter(phonics) and then eventually reading. It takes time. I would wonder first how she is recognizing Hebrew since that is what is being taught to her.
As it pertains to an evaluation, if the teachers are not concerned I would wait for a psycho-education evaluation until she is 5.5-6. That is a better time. However, if the teachers are concerned or tell you they see her struggling then you could get her evaluated.

Here is information on literacy in the early years:
https://www.zerotothree.org/espanol/early-literacy