Question
Is my 6yo son’s constant whining due to him being highly reactive? It’s 8:17am and we’re already at 7 whining episodes. I also need the language to help manage them because I get annoyed quickly.
Answer
Whining is normal for ALL children under 8. It's actually a step up from the physical responses and screaming tantrums. When whining appears all parents can breathe a sigh of relief that your child is moving from tantrum, to whining, to eventually managing their emotions. Just like they went from tummy time, to pulling up to walking--whining is step two of managing emotions. FYI - all of us adults whine in our head when we get up in the morning too, while on our way to the coffee pot.
For most adults, the whining is hard because your goal is for them to be calm, at peace or happy. Which is not a great goal for parenting a child. The whining is his way to express the frustration of doing the responsibilities of the morning or his disappointment.
So what do you do?
If the whining is because you asked him to get dressed, say "you're showing me you're frustrated with managing the responsibility to get dressed. That's okay buddy, breathe and try to calm your body, but it's time to get dressed"
The key is to:
name their feeling
state the responsibility
then point out your boundary/rule once more.
Then let them feel the feeling they are in the midst of and CALM YOUR OWN RESPONSE - his discomfort and sadness is not your task to fix, just to point out, and to keep the consistency of the routine and rule.