Question
My daughter has been looking forward to ballet class for weeks. She started yesterday and didn’t know any of the girls in the class. She insisted I come in with her and wanted to sit on my lap and didn’t participate at all. She said she was so torn as she didn’t like all the adults watching and wanted us to leave but also really needed her dad and I to stay. She also said she would participate if a friend was there. I kept trying to get up and go to the parents' waiting area but she was super clingy. We signed up for a month so do we just keep going back? Should I let her sit on my lap in the room with all the kids and the teacher (no other parents are in there)?
She’s always been an observer at the beginning of new things and never one to jump in but I was a bit surprised that she needed me by her side the entire class and didn’t participate.
Answer
Yes, sit with her, in silence, while calming your nervous system. Only speak to her when she speaks...be with her and her nervous system. Your goal is to be the gentle calm nervous system she needs to anchor into.
Why is this happening?
Her nervous system and her out of balance neuroception is giving her the signal that her normal anticipation of doing something new is DANGEROUS. Other children feel the nerves and it doesn't turn on their fight, flight, freeze response. For your daughter, she feels the normal nerves and then her nervous system fails her and puts her into fight flight freeze.
Give it time....
Friendly reminder, don't compare your child and parenting to other children and parents. You don't have their full story and they don't have yours.