Question:
We made it to the UK but our goods have not so we have started our life here with a very minimalistic setup made of basic rental furniture but none of our personal things (including toys and books!!!). My son and daughter have been very restless, complaining about everything and struggling at times to get used to their new (boring?) life with none of the things they need to feel at home (except us parents). I have obviously bought a few new toys and books but it's still not their things... School starts on Sept 8th and by then it will have been more than 3 months without school or summer camp.
I am really not at my best as I am restless to get our stuff and have time to work.
Adjusting to the new maid & nanny has also been challenging and my kids are playing the game of "I will only do it if it's with mummy / daddy" or "I don't like you - get away". This morning the nanny / maid started crying after 10 minutes of trying to get them to get dressed and them being rude to her. She is young, her grandfather (who was like a father to her) died recently and she is not at her best. But I almost lost it with my kids. I know they are testing boundaries and limits wherever they can and are probably totally lost but there have been many moments of plain disobedience with all of us. I told them that I need domestic help so I can be at my best and have time to spend with them - otherwise Mummy has to do everything and cannot be with them. Also that they need to respect what she tells them to do.
Any additional guidance on how to manage this dynamic? Thanks in advance.
Answer:
They are not testing boundaries.
They are overwhelmed with the changes.
When humans are overwhelmed and stressed they get irritable.
When humans get irritable they become self-seeking, looking for pleasure and comfort.
When humans are irritable and uncomfortable they take those feelings inside of them out on someone else.
This is a tough transition for all of you.
The most important lesson to teach them is to let them know that sometimes when things are upside down like they are for all of you we get so angry and frustrated inside that it spills over everyone around us.
Remind them that's what they did with their nanny. They have such big feelings inside of them that they gave all those feelings to her. BUT it made her sad and worried for them since she takes care of them.
Tell them that they have to ask for "a moment".
That they can ask her to breath with them when they feel that big feeling almost coming out BUT it's not okay to use mean words at her.
This is an opportunity for all involved to have compassion for the discomfort you feel on the inside due to plans not working out and also for the spilling over that everyone is doing.