Question
We are on day 9 (feels like 900) of my sons sleep journey.
We started with the book at bedtime and whenever he asked, which was often, removed his crib, set up his room and he was excited. For two nights it was perfect. He just went to sleep for naps and bedtime no issues. Then the novelty wore off for him and it sunk in.
Day 3 was different. He didn’t want to read the book anymore, he said he didn’t like it. When we would sit down to read at bedtime, he would become indignant, asking over and over where his crib was and why it was gone. I repeated and reminded that he has grown and his crib is too small. He was climbing out and it’s not safe. I also mentioned to him that we read about it in the book and I have since added a page speaking specifically to the crib going. Since he was refusing to read the book I started making up a song about his story of crib to bed. That helped a bit to let him release his feelings. But when it comes to actually going to sleep he wants me to stay, so I do, sitting near his bed holding his hand. Sometimes he requests dad and we switch. But each time this process is taking longer and longer. Yesterday it took over an hour. He flops around like a fish on dry land. It's almost like my presence is a distraction. I have tried doing what we used to do which is kisses and hugs then in the crib, song and goodnight. He loses it. Begs me to stay but when I do it seems to delay sleep.
He is currently sick with a cold, coughing and waking up often during the night. We are responding, sitting near to help him go back to sleep and I believe this will improve once his cold is gone. I hope??? We are going in 4-6 times a night and I am exhausted and dad is slammed with work, he needs to function; we both do.
What do we do about this looooong ‘go to sleep’ time?
Stay?
Go?
All these night time wake ups?
Is this normal?
Can I sleep on the floor in his room until he’s better?
Help.
Answer
I would not sleep on the floor in his room if that is not your long term goal.
Make sure that once he is in bed and he "flops" around - no talking, just a quiet shh...if you speak it keeps him awake. Also don't worry about the movement prior to sleeping, this is a way lots of babies fall asleep...the key is not to say anything.
Do not switch or add a parent no matter how much he protests. Once one person starts the process then stick with it.
There is zero good research on helping children sleep. Only studies that show that crying it out for long periods of time at night creates large levels of cortisol for children's brains and when they fall asleep because they have cried alone it is really the nervous system going into FAINT/FREEZE mode. So crying alone for more than 15 minutes is not a good idea.
But on going, staying or co-sleeping there is ZERO correlational/causational research. It is a choice of the parent whether you want to stay, use the extinction method (Ferber) or co-sleep.
Since I tend to protect the attachment and the relationship between parent/child I lean on staying and holding their hand. But the extinction method (Ferber) works well for tired parents.
Here is a book to read:
Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems: New, Revised, and Expanded Edition: Ferber, Richard: 9780743201636