Question:
I’m not sure what to do moving forward with the potty training process with my daughter who is 2.5 years old. We started the process a month ago by peeing in the morning and before the bath at night, then did pull ups in the daytime. She spends a lot of time outside in a swimsuit or naked and started mentioning pee so I left a potty out there and boom, she would go independently at times. This was my cue she was ready- so last weekend we spent the long weekend home. First day naked, and then some panties because she really wanted her new Elmo ones on for day two and three. Great, right? In three days, only one accident. Woah! Then she went to school on Tuesday and had two accidents in school which I figured was because it’s not home and there were many distractions and different routines. But I talked with the teacher in detail and she agreed she was ready and would support! Then my daughter was home with me Wednesday, I was prompting her, using timers, rewards, etc. but still, several poop accidents. Back to school today- three more accidents. And on the way home she pooped in panties in the car. Ugh. I know it’s a process but did I start too early? Should I go back to pull-ups? Is she too young? I started at two ish with my older one and it took over a year of accidents daily so I’m a little anxious!
Answer:
Using the potty is a process not training. From now until she is 6, you will have good days and bad days. Accidents are part of the process and nothing to be scared about. A year of accidents is NORMAL. Your process with your son is what is expected in the development of the potty process. A weekend training is a MYTH perpetuated by people who want to sell books and programs. So what do you do? Throw away the timer, no more rewards besides a high five and a hug for going potty when she does, no more ASKING her "do you have to go?" Instead, put the potty into your daily routine. For example, you take her to the potty, saying "It's time to try to go potty, if something comes out great? IF not, it's okay.” Do this:
When she wakes up
Before or after Meals
Before you leave any setting
At bedtime
That's all, in between those times you leave her be. If she has an accident you say "oops, you forgot to listen to your body when it told you to go...let's clean you up." Then clean up and move on. Going to the potty is a biorhythm of the body. We all go in a pattern. So putting it as a pattern in the routine allows her digestive system to create the biorhythm. No one goes to the bathroom every hour, and continually asking children IF they have to go causes them to use that as a way to control you, your attention, and their autonomy. That's when the potty process goes awry.
Since she is already in underwear, keep her in them. I would just put a pull up on at bedtime since we expect children to have night time accidents until they are close to 6 years old. Also, you can use a pull up in the car to make your life easier.