Question
My daughter stalls so much in everything she does. This morning she took so much time to prepare for school (as always) we told her she wouldn't be going to her friend's bday tomorrow - something she's been really excited about for some time. It's all arranged and I feel really bad for her, but now do I have to stick to it or can I negotiate to get her to help us more?
Answer
The consequence of not going to the party does not match the lesson you’re trying to teach her; this is why you’re stuck now.
Moving “slowly” and/or “stalling” is subjective; stalling is about managing emotion. When a child of your daughter's age stalls it’s primarily because they don’t know how to manage and tolerate their frustration or disappointment of doing a responsibility or ending a pleasure.
Morning routine is about frustration of responsibilities and it’s normal.
Try not to “punish” her frustration but rather help her through the feelings next time.
BUT what do you do about giving the wrong consequence to try to manipulate her to move?
Tell her you made a mistake.
Tell her that you should not have told her she wasn’t going to the party.
Tell her you should have helped her with her feelings of frustration and feeling rushed in the morning.
Tell her you should have let her breathe and start over.
Then ask her what support she needs from you to get her moving and managing her feelings in the morning.
Write them down for Monday.
I would let her go to the party.