My son has been diagnosed with ADHD. Do I tell him and how?

question

After a looooong summer we finally got an evaluation from FIU that confirms that my son has ADHD and ODD. To be honest, even though I had a strong feeling he was going to be diagnosed with this, it's still a lot to swallow. So many thoughts come rushing into my head like:

- Will he be able to handle it and live a happy life?

- Is it my fault?

- Is there something I could have done differently?

- Will he be successful?

- Will he be able to get through the school year without getting kicked out?

- The teenage years are going to be a living hell…

The list goes on and on and honestly I’m having so much anxiety about the school year.
My brain knows that a lot of these questions are not “real” and it’s fear talking. But I am so scared for my son. I’m doing my part and educating myself on his diagnosis. His school is completely on board - he has a great team to help him and I’m very happy with them and the accommodations they have come up with.

So my questions are as follows:

1) Should I tell my son about his diagnosis? I’m leaning towards yes, the sooner the better from the research I have done.

HOW do I do this?

I feel like I need to be comfortable talking about it and honestly, I still haven’t fully embraced it.

How do I come to terms with it so that I can communicate it with positivity to him?

2) In the evaluation, due to the level of his diagnosis, the FIU therapists recommend continuing with behavioral modification therapy as well as medication. I don't know how to even begin this journey, I was so adamant about medication. But maybe it does help him…
He tells me every day that he is trying so hard, and it breaks my heart because sometimes all his effort is not enough…

Thank you so much.

answer

Find your feet.

Loosen up the tension in your body.

Breathe.

All is well.

Your son is still the boy you held in your arms in my office long ago.

ADHD is just a difference in neurology just like eye color, skin, etc…

Did you cause it?

By DNA yes but not by parenting

Can he handle it?

Of course, because instead of being told that he is bad and doesn’t listen he will learn to manage his sleep, his activity level, his eating and understand that most of what he does is who he is.

ODD is a BS diagnosis please ignore that. All the symptoms of ODD are because of the deficits of ADHD so please stop reading about ODD. It is ridiculous to give both diagnoses at the same time.

Will he be successful?

Yes, as long as all who work with him respect his ADHD and his needs to manage symptoms. If they ask him to be like everyone else then we hurt him.

Finding the right school is paramount. That is your task from now moving forward. The school needs to understand ADHD and make accommodations. You mentioned that his current school is working with you and has made accommodations, however, find one that does in case his current school doesn’t work out.

Teen years will not be a living hell IF everyone respects and helps him manage his symptoms. ADHD is not about good or bad character, it’s about neurological differences.

I don’t recommend ABA.

I recommend working with a pediatric psychiatrist and helping them find the correct dosage for his body and/or other interventions they have like bio-feedback.

Also, only look for CBT psychotherapists.

Please spend the money on the pediatric psychiatrist; it’s worth it.

Here’s my recommendation for local service

Here’s an adult who has an amazing YouTube on her journey

You can use one of her videos to help you tell him about his ADHD here it is

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMWtGozn5jU