question
My 6yo son complains, whines, throws full-on tantrums, and shakes his head, stomps his feet and yells whenever someone sings or makes loud noises around him. He doesn’t like it when I sing along with him, or when I sing when we listen to his music and it has been this way for the last 2-3 years. I’ve tried telling him how singing “makes me happy” and it is also a way in which I want to connect with him but he just really really doesn’t want me to participate. I respect his expression and have given him his space and therefore bitten my tongue numerous times, but oh my goodness it is killing me. Recently we’ve wanted to all jam out to songs together in the car but he refuses and screams. I’m tired of having to hold back and I’m wondering if this has to do with a sensorial issue. Just as a reminder, I took him to get tested at the age of 3 because of his extreme picky eating and because of him being so smart for a 3yr old. He didn’t check any of the autism boxes but he did do OT and food therapy for a while. It was determined that he could end OT because his issues were strictly oral related. Soooo yeah… this is where I’m at.
Why does he do that?
How can I help?
answer
This is interesting, with the history you are giving me I would revisit an OT evaluation. Sometimes sensitivities are missed because they are subtle in early childhood but progress into bigger burdens as the person continues to age. Auditory sensitivity can be very painful. I do want you to honor his experience until you get clarity on how "sensitive" he is to sound.
In the meantime, in an effort to practice both being one of many and for him to begin to learn to take care of himself, let's give him options.
For example:
1- Buy sound canceling headphones and/or ear plugs. Give them to him in the car or at home when the rest of the family wants to dance and sing. That way everyone else can have the "jam out" time and he can participate feeling comfortable.
2- Let him know that you understand that "he" feels yucky with loud music and voices BUT that others do not. So the best option is for him to take care of himself and his ears.
Do this intervention for now. But I do recommend getting another OT evaluation and/or a neurological evaluation to see what is going on with his auditory functioning and if we are dealing with other processing issues.
Hypersensitivity to one and/or all senses can be a symptom of ADHD. It's worth the expense and ruling out anything medical.
Here's a great article to read on hypersensitivity and ADHD from the lens of an adult who manages it:
https://www.additudemag.com/hypersensitivity-disorder.../