Question
Hi!
I’ve never had an issue with my son’s behavior. The other day, a new friend's mom brought him home. When she was taking him out of the car he said “te quiero dar un beso en las tetas” I was mortified (even though the mom was a good sport and knew he was doing it to get a laugh and he was laughing hysterically).
I can’t wrap my mind around him saying something like and I’m petrified he will continue to say inappropriate things. I don’t want moms to not want him around because he’s a bad influence. I also don’t want him saying things like that. Ever.
Answer
Hi!
Breathe, this incident is more about his attempt at getting a laugh rather than being sexual or rude on purpose.
Since his goal is a laugh there are different steps to take so he doesn't repeat it.
1. Make sure that adults around him are mindful of the jokes they tell or say around him. Since he is looking to connect with laughter he is definitely paying attention to how adults make each other laugh. Pay attention to him at gatherings and notice if he is listening in on the adults and their joking banter.
2. No one should laugh with him when he says "jokes" that we don't want him to repeat. This one is hard since what he said to the mom would make most adults giggle. But toddlers and preschoolers repeat what they imagine makes adults happy. I am going to make a safe assumption that he may have said this before to someone else and he got a laugh. So ask around and see who has laughed and let them know it's not a good idea to laugh at "adult jokes" coming out of a preschooler's mouth. They don't have the cognitive ability to discern whether or not jokes are appropriate
3. Since this happened recently make sure that you talk to him about it in a calm moment and help him with his goal of making himself and an adult laugh. For example, you can say, "Buddy, what you said the other day to your friend’s Mommy was funny to you but it can make many people feel embarrassed and it is not a polite joke to tell. Jokes about private parts and most body parts can hurt people's feelings or make you sound rude. I know you like being funny so let's find new jokes to tell".
Then maybe you can teach him a couple of knock knock jokes or get him a joke book for kids you can read to him and he can use to make others laugh.
This book isn't perfect but I have seen it used in preschools and it does the job:
My First Kids Jokes ages 3-5: Especially created for kindergarten and beginner readers1 (Kids Joke Books)
Finally, in the moment, if it happens again this is how you can respond:
1. Label his goal: "oh buddy, you're trying to be funny"
2. Set the rule: "we don't make jokes about private parts"
3. Give him a way to be funny: "do you remember a knock knock joke you can tell instead?"
Respond calmly and with your tone as flat as possible. Repeat it as often as possible.