Question
My daughter is having issues with her teacher. She has the same teacher that her sister had last year, and to be honest I am not a big fan, but it's gotten to the point that she keeps saying she doesn't want to go to school, she wants to switch schools, she hates her teacher etc.....I listen to her and reflect her feelings of frustration but is there anything else I can do? She is also used to being liked and loved (teachers always love her because she is the perfect angel in class) and I think she is struggling because this teacher doesn't seem to feel that way. Thoughts?
Answer
The task at hand is for your daughter to learn the tough lessons that:
1- not everyone has to like us for US to be good and whole
2- how to respect an authority figure WE do not like
Taking those two lessons in mind, this is how you speak to her and help her manage:
Lesson 1
Make sure to remind her that the work she does in the classroom is for her. Wonder with her how doing her work can help her feel proud and complete. Remind her that she is at school to learn about the subjects and to keep that in mind when she finds that her teacher doesn't see her efforts. Tell her she is practicing to do things for her to praise herself and feel complete.
Lesson 2
Remind her that no matter how someone else acts, what's most important is for us to keep our side of the street clean. Remind her that integrity is what she is working on: following the rules and values NO matter how anyone acts around her.
Also tell her to wonder about what the teacher might be feeling when she senses her tense, angry or disengaged. Tell her that maybe the teacher is frustrated and doesn't know how to calm herself down. Tell her that maybe the teacher is the type of person that when they are disappointed they hide that under anger. This type of message will help her have empathy for the teacher and not take the teacher's mood personal.