Question
My daughter has a few toys that she has on her bedside table as a permanent fixture and refuses to have them moved. She also doesn't play with them but she likes to look at them, occasionally touch them, keep them in the same place always and no one can touch or move them.
She also has brand new dolls she received for her birthday and she keeps them in a box under her bedside table and doesn't play with them. When I ask her about it she says they will be spending Christmas there.
At the beginning of all this when the maid would tidy things up, she told me she didn't like going to school because things would be out of place when she came back.
We arrived in Europe a few days ago and she quickly started doing the same thing here.
On day 1 she chose a few toys / objects to have by her bed and on her bedside table and she doesn't touch them - they are just there.
Basically her bedside tables and area around it look like altars that no one can touch. It clearly gives her a sense of propriety, security and beauty even. I find it freaky but I try to respect and not touch it. I worry that she may develop (more of) OCD if we do not show her that it's ok to move things and that toys are meant to be played with.
Thoughts? Recommendations? Concerns?
Thanks in advance.
Answer
It's a ritual of safety and it’s normal for all age groups and NOT an OCD symptom.
She wants certainty and a feeling of home.
It also shows self agency which is what we want her to develop so she “clings” less to you for safety.
Slowly all of us create rituals to feel safe. All we have to wonder is are they sustainable and does it create havoc for our day to day.
Is keeping her precious and special toys near her sustainable?
Yes, in the future she will have a precious art piece or decoration in her room that helps her feel at home.
Does it create havoc in her day to day?
No - if anything you can teach her to dust around her special toys so no one moves them just her and that way you build safety and responsibility.
Love on her and instead ask her why each of those toys are special to her so that they get that special spot and get to know her more.