Question
Can you help guide us with winning and losing? We often play board games, card games or have pool races at our house and are trying to teach my daughter to manage her disappointment when she loses and honestly she has been doing pretty well with it. But Saturday we were in the pool and she and her dad were racing and I was the judge calling out the winners (in hindsight I probably shouldn't have been doing that). In one of the races, dad won and she had a total meltdown saying "daddy cheated, I hate Daddy, etc. etc. etc." My husband and I said "we shouldn't play anymore as it's clear not everyone is having fun." She insisted on playing again and of course we let her win the next round and she was then fine. How should we handle these situations? Should we stop the pool races for now? My gut says no, as how else is she going to learn to manage the disappointment of losing? Thank you
Answer
Definitely listen to your gut. Do not avoid the opportunities for her to learn to deal with loss. Learning to manage the disappointment of losing or making a mistake is an important skill.
It is also perfectly normal for children 8 and younger to respond with big feelings when they lose. All we have to say as parents is "it's so disappointing to lose when you tried so hard" then let them sit in the feeling. There's no need for a big lecture or lesson. Just a mirroring of the emotion experienced, hold them until done.