Question
My daughter got back to school on Wednesday and had two potty accidents (#1 and #2) on day 1 and another #1 on day 2.
Yesterday we got a call from the school director asking us what we are doing at home to help prepare her for the 'big girls' school in September, when she will no longer be in a pre-school environment and they will have a smaller ratio of teachers (2 for 16 instead of currently 5 for 25). This was the second call, we had one in December.
During the 3.5 week break she had some really good moments of asking for the bathroom but also plenty of accidents. She does not want to stop what she is doing to go to the bathroom.
The biggest development is that she no longer feels comfortable with wet/dirty underwear and asks to be changed. But she is not yet able to consistently ask to go to the bathroom and proactively prevent the discomfort.
She avoids eye contact and starts clowning around when we ask her why she did not tell us.
Given the call from school we feel that we need to engage in a more systematic/strict plan of action to avoid these accidents, in advance of starting proper school in September (she is 4.5 now and will be almost 5 then). We feel that the gentle repeat and remind will not be enough.
Are you able to:
1) provide a strict/clear plan of action for us to follow with her?
2) recommend us to a specialist on this only? (though I suspect this falls clearly within your remit as it does not seem to be a medical case, the school yesterday asked us if we were speaking with someone who is a specialist on potty problems for older kids)
3) send additional resources our way?
Thank you in advance for your support as usual.
Answer
When a child has True Potty issues the person to see is a urologist. But your daughter is not at this scenario. The task at hand is to add going to the potty to the routine. Not as an option just as part of the routine. She goes to the potty no matter what.
When she wakes up.
After or before a meal.
Before starting any fun task like movie, play, etc
Before leaving the house
Bedtime
That's it...follow her lead. The only book I recommend for potty is Brazelton's book. You can also buy this a give it a read: https://amzn.to/3k9ho4I
If the above recommendations have not been working then the best thing to do is to tell your daughter "from today forward, we will only take you to the potty, in the morning, at meals, before we leave the house, and at bedtime. The rest of the time YOU are in charge of your body. YOU are in charge of being successful or not."
Then do as you have told her. She needs to understand it is up to her and that there is no power struggle between her and the adults.
Stay the course mom - Stop talking about it. Let her lead.