Question
My 3rd grader does homework on his own with minimal assistance but fails to take initiative with projects or studying for tests.
When it comes to PROJECTS, I have to bring it up. Otherwise, he won’t mention anything.
For TESTS, I will sometimes ask how he feels about the upcoming exams and he will generally opt to not study because he tells me he feels prepared. At that point I’ll ask if he’s sure and remind him of the time he got an A when he studied and a B- when he didn’t. If he says again, he doesn’t want to study I will say OK, tell him he has my full support and the topic is over. Am I doing this right?
He’s averaging “As” and is doing very well in all areas of school. And while 3rd grade hit hard the first month, he made his adjustments and is excelling. My fear is he will create dependency on solely relying on his memory and fail at developing studying skills.
We’ve discussed how grades are important but they are not everything and I wonder if I’m too hands-off. I repeatedly say that I want them to do their best at all times but I don’t know how much they really grasp what that is.
My kindergartner is doing well, but I can already tell he needs more assistance.
This is where I’m at.
(1) How independent should a 3rd grader be with homework and studying?
How involved should I be?
(2) What happens when a smart child is solely relying on his memory and doesn’t practice studying skills?
(3) How do we talk about grades and effort to children, keeping in mind that while school/academics are important, like skills are important too and those need to be practiced?
Thanks so much!
Answer
1. Completely independent - ask the teacher how much time they think the homework should take and then follow these instructions based on the time they state:
Set a timer to establish a clear homework timeframe.
Create a dedicated homework space with all necessary tools to minimize distractions.
Understand that movement and wiggles can be ways for the brain to focus.
When your child wiggles, guide them to take deep breaths and reset
Maintain a calm and composed demeanor to help your child stay focused.
Don't stress if the homework isn't completed within the time alloted; prioritize managing emotions and wiggles. This also gives the teacher the true data of how much time it takes your child to do their homework.
2. Eventually the school work becomes harder and harder. At this point since he is presenting that he does not need to study to do well, then follow his lead most of the time.
To practice studying skills, consider adding a 10-minute review session once a week.
During this time, focus on reviewing the material covered in class or whatever the teacher is quizzing.
The goal isn't memorization or aiming for a high grade; it's about building the muscle of how to review and understand the material...most of it needs to be child led.
Encourage him to assess what areas he lacks knowledge in and find the answers. This process lays the foundation for effective studying skills.
3. Allow grades and tests to be one of many markers of their success. Teach them that the aim is not a top grade but to know how to manage feelings that bubble up when trying to learn, to practice the habits that will help them be good students, and share your values around finishing tasks and responsibilities.