Question
My son gets scared if he doesn’t see us around. It can be in the house, or in public. We were at a restaurant and he wouldn’t stay at the table with my friend who he knows well and is very comfortable with while I went to pick up the food..
When we were walking back to the car he said he was scared of us not finding the car. In the car he said he was scared to get lost. We talked about it and how scary that would be and the things we do so that doesn’t happen and what to do if it does. He is generally more careful and less adventurous than our daughter.
What's the appropriate way to tackle him being scared and what would be the appropriate plan to tell a 6yo if he does get lost? Thanks!
Answer
I want to caution you about pushing him farther than his fear is allowing him. What do I mean by that?
His fear of being alone in public places is valid. It's over zealous but valid. If you tell him "no, not a big deal, stop" it can make him question his internal compass of safety.
So what can you do:
SLOW DOWN especially in public, accept that he is extra nervous and notice how he is experiencing the public setting.
BE METICULOUS and SPECIFIC about how he can stay safe and the choices you are making to keep him safe. In the example you gave you could have said "you are staying here with my friend. They will hold your hand and help you watch me walk away. I need to have my hands free to safely bring back the food and I won't be able to take care of you the way my friend can"
This message is clear that he is safer with the friend than with you.
HAVE A PLAN
Yes, have your children learn your phone number and let them know that IF they get lost they should go to the person behind the CASH REGISTER and show them what a cash register looks like. That way they don't speak to a random adult. Most children will pick a person that looks like a parent to them, that's not the safest thing to do in a public setting. The cash register person is guaranteed to be an employee and the safest person to speak to.
Hope this is helpful.