Question
Help help help!!!
We met with the school we are considering for our son. We like the school in that we think they can meet his academic needs (although he has never been in a true academic environment). However, we are not certain about the school supporting his behavior as he has a tendency to shut down in new environments and when pushed to continue becomes combative/aggressive which is a behavior they said they will not tolerate. I completely understand this boundary and its necessity.
He will need to go and tour the school and test there with their intervention specialist for placement. I am very worried about how to navigate this. We will have to tell him we will be leaving the city we have been living in which means new house, new school, new dojo, new friends. That alone will be so much and then testing at a school? He does not do well under this type of scrutiny so how do I break this news to him and prepare him for this testing meet/greet?
My husband will also be traveling the days leading up to the meet and greet which is usually very difficult for him even though I keep the routine predictable. My mama heart is racing.
Answer
It’s all in HOW you present it to him.
Let him know that you and daddy are trying to find a school where they understand and support all of him. When he's mad, sad, happy or when he makes big mistakes.
Then tell him that in this search you have found a school that wants to get to know him and meet him to see if they are a good match.
Tell him the person that will be asking him questions wants to know him the same way you and daddy know him. They will ask questions to make sure they are the right place for him because they want to make sure the kids who go to their school are happy there.
Tell him that if he doesn’t want to answer a question he can say “oh I’m having a hard time answering that”.
Tell him if his heart beats really fast and his brain tells him he’s in danger he can say to them “wait I need to breathe and calm before I answer that”.
All of it is guidance on how to help him feel safe and also on what to expect.
In the end, he needs to be himself; strengths and weaknesses.
Also you and your calm is key. Make sure you are in the right mindset too.
Sleep, eat and movement for all.