question
My 9yo daughter is generally a rule follower. Though we are at a more progressive school that discourages the use of social media and phones, it happens. Even some of the most like-minded parents have now allowed their kids to have a phone with limited texting, or facebook for kids, etc. My husband and I don't believe children should be on any screens when it can be helped, but now she is starting to feel left out. Where is the line between ”we choose the best values for our family“ and turning our kid into an outcast?
answer
Welcome to the Tween-Teen years...sneak preview.
There is always a constant balance between home and school - friends and family.
When they are under 12 and they want to do something that seems "older" like a phone it is important to be clear on WHY they want it.
It is important to keep in mind.
Kids under 12 ask for phones to fit in, to be like us and because they imagine freedom.
So it is best to be very clear on what they imagine they will have if they have a phone.
Do they imagine being able to have a social media account?
Me, pediatricians and all of the social media platforms do not recommend children under 13 to use it.
Do they imagine they can speak to friends all the time and join in on the group conversations? Great - there are ways to do the groups on iPad and/or computer and not necessarily on the phone.
Do they want to be like us? Well that can't happen.
Also, what do they see us doing with the phone and why do they imagine it might be fun?
In the end, a computer, an iPad, a cell phone are all really similar in what they can do for a person.
Being clear on your child's intention is better than trying to stay with the group - at least as it pertains to this object that brings the world to their finger tips.
Is your child ready for that type of responsibility and access?