Question:
My ten year old is afraid at night. Since what happened with his sister, he is afraid that something will happen to him or to us, at night he is afraid that someone will come into the house and kidnap him, so he has been sleeping in our bed for more than 1 month. He either sleeps with us from the start, or he comes in the middle of the night. He hasn’t done that for a long time. I understand that this is a new situation that reminded him of the possibility of death or losing a loved one and I would like to help him feel calm again. I don't know if hypnosis at this age can help him, or craniosacral therapy, regular therapy? Or if I should just give it time to process and pass? Should we take him back to his bed?
I remember that my daughter had a similar stage where she was worried about losing us, so I also understand that it could be something normal for his age. He is also more irritable (gets angry easily). How can I help him?
Answer:
Because of everything that has been happening in the home, his night-time fear is normal and fair. BUT he is projecting his fear to "other" things rather than actually dealing with the real "dangers" or bad moments that your family has been through.
So, when he tells you "I'm scared, I don't want to sleep alone, someone is coming into our house", say: "oh yes, your brain is managing danger and turning on your alarm system. You are trying to make sense of the alarm by saying it is about thieves, but really it's because there has been a lot going on in our family." Then, you name all the things that have happened and then you name all the ways that you are working to make things better. After this conversation, you can do a bedtime meditation, and stay with him until he goes to sleep.
This is a daily thing. Every time he says "I'm scared because ...." you say the above. Repeat and remind.
To answer your other questions: Does he need individual therapy? I recommend asking your family therapist. Does hypnotherapy work on children? Yes, but only with hypnotherapists that specialize with children and you would still have to take the steps above time and again because there is no quick fix to anxious responses. Should you take him back to his bed? If you don't want him to sleep in your bed then it is important to start helping him to sleep in his bed once more. It doesn't have to be fast, it can take time as long as you do the steps above. The task is to help him manage the alarm of his nervous system. It's going off. It's currently out of balance. But it is normal with all that has happened that his nervous system is out of sorts.