Question:
Help! Our toddler is doing all normal toddler things but it’s been hard on us. He’s been spitting and hitting (both for fun and when he’s upset). He also calls people stupid when his angry and it drives me coconuts. His tantrums last closer to 15 min and he stays stuck in a loop. And it doesn't help that his older sister jumps in and tries to parent him.
Answer:
Label what he is feeling
Bring him back to his body and tell him to try to loosen his jaw, or loosen his shoulder
Become silent and CALM YOUR BODY and your tension in your body
Give him the hug or the connection when he finally calms
Repeat as needed
Later, in a calm moment, speak about using mean words. Explain how your family is kind and does not use that language no matter how angry and disappointed you are. Also, if you find yourself using that language, be good at saying "oh no, mom used a mean word with dad, I forgot to calm my body and wait until frustration passed".