Question
I am visiting family on the east coast alone with the girls. We’ve been out here for 2 weeks now. Our schedules have definitely been off even though I have tried to maintain them to the best of my ability.
One of my daughters has been beyond attached the whole trip which is not really like her to this extent. I have not even showered alone to give you some understanding. And my other daughter has just woken up upset many days. She is definitely more moody than normal. Not sure which side of her I am going to get throughout the day.
People here parent way differently than I do and standing my ground and maintaining my parenting has taken a lot of effort. I feel like I am riding a two week anxiety wave internally.
This morning went like this, “good morning, can we watch tv?” I said, “no, you know we don’t watch tv in the morning”. Hysterics - even though she knows we don’t do that.
Next, “I don’t want to go to camp”. Hysterical “camp is sooo stupid”.
Next, “I don’t like any of my dresses”. Found one.
Next, “I hate all of these shoes. I only want white ones like my sisters”.
She was so sad she went into the closet. I was feeling like I was going to fall apart at this point. But then in the closet she said, “I am just a stupid girl” (talking about herself), which broke my heart. So we talked about that. Found some shoes that worked and then ate breakfast and got in the car. Out of nowhere, while happily driving to camp an hour late, listening to music she asks what pajamas I packed for after the pool at her cousin's birthday. I packed her favorite matching ones that her sister and her both have. She lost it screaming at me and told me to go back home and get different ones. I was at a total loss after being yelled at all morning and an hour late for our 4 hour camp. I yelled, “please stop yelling at me!!” So she cried more
My husband finally comes tonight for a week but we have one more week out here alone and I certainly can’t deal with this on a daily occurrence and I don’t think she can either!
I’d love a way to navigate this and a way for a refresh.
Thank you!
Answer
You are doing great and your gut of knowing that most of this is both your kiddos being out of sorts because they are not in their "home environment" is right on the money.
Unfortunately, vacation time for families of children under 8 is really just "taking the show on the road".
The best way to navigate this is to start and end the day by saying "I know we all feel a bit off since this is not our home. If we were home, what would we do now?" Then let her fill in the blank. Then say, "But we are here on vacation, what can we do here that we can't do at home?" then let her fill in the blank there.
By having this conversation you give her context of why she may be "off", also it gives all of you information about what is good/bad about both places.
When and if she is upset, keep it short and simple - stay out of "making her feel better" just:
1- Name what you see her feeling "you're so disappointed, mommy didn't bring the right pajamas"
2- Then silence. You begin to breathe and calm your system and let her cry, or scream, or be upset.
If a big emotional outburst happens in front of people take her to another room and do 1 and 2 above.
You got this.
...Hard but stick with it.