Question
What do you do when your child is doing everything in their power (and succeeding) to overwhelm you?
The other day, my daughter told me "mommy, you should have told me this doesn't overwhelm you because then I'd stop". So my child is well aware and doing it on purpose.
The other thing too is that the rest of the family loves (and thrives on) quiet, including the younger sibling, but my daughter does what she wants to do which leaves us all frustrated on a daily basis.
Answer
In the example you are giving she is doing two things.
1. Playing with power is normal for school-age children since knowing how to manage power is part of learning relationship skills, social awareness, and self management.
What to do about this?
Name it and claim it.
1. Let her know that you heard her. That this feeds her need for power. Say, “yes you like loud and I like quiet and that’s how we’re different. You are also loving, kind and thoughtful so when a friend, family member, or mommy asks for your help, like me telling you that I would like some quiet, you help them build a relationship and you build love, and it says that you’re loving and kind. How about you look around the room and find all the noises and turn them off? This way you can be in control of the sounds.”
2. Second reason she may be doing this is because she’s looking for ways to control so that last bit of the verbiage that I gave above of telling her “ why don’t you look around for the noises and turn them off” or “hey why don’t you find the mess” when you want her to clean up or “hey why don’t you find the vegetables that we can eat for dinner” this will give her an opportunity for control.
This is a “repeat and remind” situation and it needs to be done at least 85 times before it sets in.