Question
My almost 5 year-old boy got upset during dinner because I tried his food to see if it was hot and he was hungry and moody so he pushed the plate away and the plate fell on the ground and broke and I had food all around.
I was very surprised and at the same time very upset because I know he does not like the food at school and he gets home very hungry so I went out of my way to make him his favorite dish after a long day of work.
I did not know how to respond.
My husband was as upset as me and suggested that he deserved a consequence. My whole family thinks that I am too lenient and soft with my son and that he needs more discipline, but what they suggest are things such as spankings, time outs, and things that I do not agree with.
I raised my voice and told him to never do that again but I did not know what else to do besides making him clean up the mess. He was crying and upset because he was hungry and wanted his food and my husband suggested sending him to bed without eating so that he would learn, but of course I did not do that because he is 5 years old and he needs to eat. Instead, I made him more food and when he was calm he ate it all.
What could have I done in that situation?
My mind says “if you let him get away with things like this at this age, when he gets older he could be even worse” and that is what worries me.
What do you suggest?
What could have I done better?
Answer
You handled it well by cleaning up the mess and waiting for him to calm down.
Once everyone is calm is when it is appropriate to let him know that no matter how grumpy and mad we are we don’t hurt or hit.
You will do this process multiple times.
He is learning how to handle anger and disappointment just like when he was learning to walk and he fell. Now that he is learning to manage his big feelings he will fail as well.
Hitting him, time out and/or leaving him without dinner does not translate to learning how to handle being angry when we are hungry.
What teaches children what to do when angry and frustrated is watching the adults stay calm and collected even when they are frustrated. If you’re screaming and frustrated by his behavior then he does the same thing when he’s frustrated.