Question
My daughter started Kindergarten on Wednesday and I wanted to get your honest opinion on the school we selected. It’s a Charter/Prep School and very focused on “rigorous academics.” It’s very structured, children are in strict uniforms and there are 30 kids/class with 2 teachers/class, 6 classes per grade (1st-5th). However they do get 2 electives a day (technology, art, PE., Spanish and Music). Every day we are sent home a behavior chart (1-5) and we have to sign and send it back to school. Apparently they are up in the classroom as well. 3 means “ready to learn” and 5 is something like “exceptional/leader”. She has been coming home with 3s asking why she isn’t getting 5s. I just think there is too much emphasis on discipline and behavior. According to my daughter she’s also not allowed to ask questions if she is confused if they have moved on from that specific topic (her interpretation)- I mean she’s only in kindergarten! It’s my mommy gut that’s already thinking it’s not the right fit, but she says she really loves it. I’m also not really getting a great “community” vibe but that’s obviously my issue! Three main questions:
1. How much emphasis do I put on my Mama gut vs how happy she seems?
2. Next week is curriculum night and a great opportunity to ask the hard questions. What should I be asking?
3. If we do make the switch to the smaller, regular public school, when should we make the decision?
Answer
Those behavior charts are very common now in classrooms. It is a school's way of giving autonomy and accountability to students on how they are going about their day. So even if you changed schools they would have something similar since the public school system has not moved away from behavioral prompts like the one you describe.
The good news is that she is motivated by it! WHAT!?!
That's great news since she is trying to figure out how to earn a 5 and she says she loves school. My guess is that the rigidity of what is expected of her is creating a sense of safety.
Also that she has stayed a 3 is ALSO AMAZING, when I started reading this I expected you to tell me that she had gotten all the way down to 1...most children managing their emotional regulation like she does end up in the 1 zone.
So here are the answers to your questions:
1. When our child is happy at school, it is important to follow their lead and leave them be. Especially since most public schools will have a stronger or lighter version of what you are experiencing right now. Also with the behavior chart and your daughter, you have to send the message that the chart helps the teacher see how she is learning to be a student and a friend in the classroom. You can tell her that 3 is a great number and the more she works on being a student and a friend her number will increase slowly. Predict for her that throughout the school year she will move between 3 and 5 and you are proud of her when she does that. Then let her know you will work with her and her teacher and help her any time she gets a 1 or 2. THEN get specifics from teacher see #2
2. Ask the teacher the same question your daughter asked, "what is the criteria to move up and down the behavior chart?" Tell the teacher "my daughter is very concrete and needs specific guidance. She is currently confused about what specifically she has to do to be moved up and down the behavior chart" Don't let the teacher get away with " she has to be ready and attentive" that is a very broad response...Tell her you want to support her classroom and your daughter and specifics like "listening ears" and "raising her hand" or any specific rules she has that help her move up and down the scale is what you need. Ask the teacher what her impressions are of your daughter, how she sees her managing social interactions, how she asks questions of the teacher, and what she hopes to see grow in your daughter. .
3. I don't recommend switching her. She is showing she is doing well. BUT if your Parent Gut is screaming to move her then the best time to switch would be now before the first 45 days of school are up OR wait until after Holiday break and switch in January.