As a developmental expert, I’ve spent years working with children, families, and educators to understand what truly sets a child up for success—not just in school, but in life. One thing I know for certain is that early childhood education should not only focus on academic achievement but also on emotional and social development. These “soft skills” are just as important, if not more so, than traditional academic skills like reading and math. The ability to manage emotions, interact with others, and adapt to new situations are the building blocks for success in school and beyond.
Soft Skills: The True Foundation of Learning
We often hear about the importance of soft skills in the workplace—communication, teamwork, problem-solving—but these abilities don’t suddenly appear when we reach adulthood. They are cultivated from a very young age. Emotional regulation, collaboration, and impulse control are just a few of the soft skills that children need to thrive, and these are skills we must teach from the very start of a child’s educational journey.
Children who learn how to manage their emotions and interact well with others are more prepared to face academic challenges later on. These skills aren’t just about making friends; they directly impact a child’s ability to focus, follow instructions, and persist in the face of challenges. For example, a child who can handle disappointment or frustration without becoming overwhelmed is more likely to stay engaged in learning, even when the material is difficult.
Teaching Emotional Intelligence from Day One
One of the most important things I emphasize to parents is the value of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. In young children, this begins with learning how to identify and name their feelings. For example, when a child has a meltdown because playtime is over, it’s not just a behavior issue—it’s an emotional challenge they need help navigating.
When parents or educators step in and say, “I see that you’re feeling sad because it’s time to stop playing,” we’re giving the child the language they need to start understanding their emotions. Over time, this helps them develop emotional regulation, a crucial skill that will serve them throughout their lives.
Young children often struggle with transitions, like moving from playtime to bath time or going from the park to the car. This isn’t a sign of defiance or bad behavior; it’s a developmental stage that we can help them through by teaching them to label their emotions and work through them. Consistency is key—if we can give them the tools to manage their emotions early on, they’ll be better equipped to handle the more complex challenges that come with growing up.
Social Development: Navigating the Preschool Jungle
Preschool is often the first place children encounter true social dynamics—sharing toys, taking turns, and navigating conflicts with their peers. It’s common for young children to struggle with social interactions. Things like biting, pushing, or hitting often come up, not because the child is “bad,” but because they don’t yet have the tools to manage their frustration or communicate effectively.
When children bite or push, it’s usually because they’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t know how to express it in a more appropriate way. Rather than labeling these behaviors as negative, it’s our job to teach them better ways to handle those big emotions. Role-playing scenarios at home, where parents practice sharing and taking turns with their children, can go a long way in helping them navigate social situations more effectively.
“I also encourage parents to avoid what I call “character assassinations” of other children. It’s tempting to label the child who bites as “the bad kid” or to cast your own child as a “victim” in social conflicts. ”
I also encourage parents to avoid what I call “character assassinations” of other children. It’s tempting to label the child who bites as “the bad kid” or to cast your own child as a “victim” in social conflicts. However, these labels don’t help anyone and can actually hinder a child’s ability to grow and change. Instead, we should focus on teaching our children that everyone is learning, and that making mistakes is part of the process. This approach helps foster empathy and understanding, which are key components of emotional intelligence.
The Value of Emotional and Social Education
Parents often ask me whether they should move their child to a different school as they get older. My answer is simple: if your child is in an environment that is nurturing their emotional and social development, you’re already giving them the best foundation for future success. Whether they stay in the same school or transition to a new one, the soft skills they’ve learned—emotional regulation, social reciprocity, and the ability to manage frustration—will set them apart and help them thrive.
In the end, academic skills can be taught, but emotional intelligence and social skills must be nurtured. These skills give children the confidence to express themselves, manage their emotions, and build meaningful relationships—abilities that are just as important as reading and math in preparing them for the future.
Practical Tips for Parents
Here are a few practical tips I recommend for fostering emotional and social development at home:
Be Consistent:
Whether it’s managing transitions, sleep routines, or social conflicts, children need consistency. A predictable routine helps them feel secure and gives them the stability they need to regulate their emotions.
Label Emotions:
When your child is upset, help them label their feelings. This simple act of saying, “I see you’re feeling frustrated,” gives them the language they need to understand and manage their emotions.
Practice Sharing:
Role-playing social scenarios like sharing and taking turns at home can help your child navigate conflicts with peers. This reduces frustration and teaches important social skills.
Emotional and social development are the cornerstones of a strong educational foundation. By focusing on soft skills and emotional intelligence from an early age, we can set our children up for a lifetime of success—both academically and personally. As parents and educators, it’s our job to nurture these abilities and give children the tools they need to thrive in an increasingly complex world.